Desire to save the marriage
strayed into hell in a letter I received, this is a very unique one.
A young orphaned girl, alone in the World battles, always remind ourselves to do an honest good man , not to shame their parents died. She really did. while working to earn money side reading test diplomas, every step, have careful consideration. With its own efforts, she finally had a decent success, the most important With her husband is enviable.
However, all the success and dreams for the future was unprepared when she was shot to pieces.
We have seen too many stories of third party interference, Love and hatred for. But the girl said her hatred is not born because of love. Her hatred come from? Why did she feel > hate, but not to love h
Ke Teacher: Hello!
I am a sad person, want to talk to a painful heart I have nothing to do with people who listen, are also considered a way of extracting it.
read your blog, discussions on extramarital affairs, could not help but write to you. My question is more complex than the extra-marital affairs. I understand the solution to the problem, understand all the right and wrong, including Family members of long-term interests. but I am also human, in the encounter too many unfair, but also about frantically could not help myself.
I am thirty-one years old, look back a short period of life, time is not long, but very dramatic.
I am now living in Guangzhou, a good career and a decent temperament face, a house and a car and a good income, there is a very good family in appearance, is babbling of a beautiful daughter, and a look, up a good impeccable.
However, no one knows that beautiful under the guise of terrible suffering to the degree.
first talk about my upbringing.
small city I grew up someone on my assessment is There was never any real pro can help get the heat on the busy, do not oppress the coming to an end come to appreciate the.
in that environment, I went to see the world's inconstancy of human relationships, but also to understand what is mercy. parents who are stronger, but unfortunately, after suffering the ill-fated experience a lot of time to stand tall and not die too early, premature, I vowed to die in front of his hometown acquaintance parents Zhengkou Qi.
so I can not give the fate of the young bow, always reminding myself to stay alert, do not go astray, can not be bad lie, but also to try your best to live with dignity. so barely wait until the age of sixteen, determined to leave home alone to big cities, while work to earn money while learning, self-examination to get a college degree. during which the work has been doing just decent, and by virtue of their ability and efforts to make money, not less. As a girl out alone, every step I careful calculations, it really never missed a step away, because I constantly remind myself not to shame their parents died. So no matter how to transform the individual faced the difficulties and temptations, I insisted to do a good girl, and deep in their own insights on life, not afraid to do a strong, rich sense of justice and compassion of the good people of integrity.
Perhaps heaven has eyes, the way I know people think it is a miracle.
for marriage , my choice, too, want the blessing of their parents died, hope that the future of the small home is the envy of decent and is praised. Strangely, though painful to get through to one person, but many men like me around. I Although age girls, a lot of romantic notions, but the choice of marriage or know how to face reality. When he came to the city where I work, and has been very active in pursuit of me mm, as I said earlier, he behaved as people look generous, gentle appearance, good background, has a bright future and career, comprehensive look respectable, and to identify the insurance mm he is a good choice, determined to married life with him to Canton.
I have to admit, when he was good for me to give me stability after Guangzhou and quality living.
is not human nature become, or am I wrong about this to? such a person, in the the next few years, many things to make people remember. I know, both husband and wife live together every day, a little temper normal life should also be tolerant of small friction. but he never and I do not want to communicate at a deeper level, and most do not agree with my outlook on life and values. He used his high level of education to combat my low academic qualifications, with his countryman in town who I was to evaluate my qualifications and character, with his Duirenduishi all around the narrow attitude of judges, with the secular status of money to measure the level of success. Gradually, the city favored the frivolous nature of the boy began to exposure. that i can accommodate, as a man of depth and the level of life education is not necessarily because of how much change, at least I believe he was a good man.
change out of my pregnancy, he started every few days to pick a quarrel and fight, yell.
when I bulging six-seven months pregnant when actually fight for me. Some people say that pregnant women are the princess will have the best of care and attention. I was completely, in turn, Tingzhaoduzai have everything and household chores, from spiritual to body by a double torture, even when children are not as angry with the milk.
matters worse, I was suffering from postpartum depression, extreme emotional depression.
but my husband is how to do?
I knew the most serious cases of postpartum depression, anti said, ! can be exchanged for grays of the blame.
(Do not doubt, I have not done anything wrong, life is only a man slept with him.)
I have tried to resist, but can not be to communicate without a right and wrong, had chosen tolerance, long-term interests in order to live a good life. but the result of patience, I rather die than live to be alive, the idea of always pressing me crazy. see a psychiatrist, but the doctor in addition to prescription, equally cold and indifferent, I still rely on their own will power to survive.
later, I know the reasons for his sudden metamorphosis, he had an affair. third thing I long suspected, but listening to him personally recognize and find the evidence, the heart is still very bad. I do not blame him, the world is not the same, men in this respect and a lot of mistakes. from small to large, I am used to understand the ugliness of human nature, but also as far as compassion The mentality of view of human nature. Most of you are just ordinary people and cause, not help you do not love you because they do not have that obligation.
However, as the husband of his wife so cruel, it is not excusable the.
I grew up without parents, is a great lack of care for the girls, the desire of family better than ordinary people. However, he has not given me any love, but also subjected to inhuman torture. experienced this a few years I have little hope of happiness, only one will tell myself to adhere to survive, I will let him die a bed of roses.
Because of this, I can not convince their own form of relief to end the marriage.
really hate him, not because of hatred born of love, is to destroy the hatred of people in my life.
not help, the wish to end by self-destruction and the best form of revenge.
Now, he is no reason why every time the roar, scream or divorce, I will be with the greatest will to control their own, do not speak, do not respond. from small to large growth environment, my own psychology most clearly hated and most can not stand being bullied. is this will get me alive. Now, most people should cherish and I have made the most bullied me, and I can not accept.
This is a psychological knot, to fight the last breath not to be missed!
this bully, not emotional men and women (who can be forgiven). This is people who bully, so profound Such is Life.
I can not let go of this in the life people who bully me on!
because I have been living in hell, this life may not be saved.
Although, I still maintain calm reason every day, doing all should do, look optimistic, the situation enviable, to and from work, cooking with children, but my heart like hell! I do not know will not control it When did my heart always suppressed the urge to crazy! pity my daughter, I actually can not understand a mother happiness!
how can I do? (enlightened) men how to deal with addiction derailed?
shown a very likely reason out of control to a the letter.
enlightened: Hello!
read your letter carefully, look at you honestly tell their life experience, those layers of the wound opened.
statement even if you start ,
I do not want to rush to answer your question, but hope that through analysis, make you more clearly understand their own.
different from your childhood all talking about.
your parents in your a teenager died, has been five or six years before the ill. We can say that your childhood was, unfortunately, have neither been pro-age girls often have long care, but also to bear the body of childish ill parents hardships brought about. From your description you can see, the parents after the death of the love of your little family elders, and even subject to some discrimination and despise. I note in particular this sentence: who, unfortunately, after suffering the ill-fated experience a lot of time to stand tall and do not die too early, premature, I vowed to die in front of his hometown acquaintance parents Zhengkou Qi. complex.
an orphaned girl, always told myself to work hard, not to shame their parents. Whether out of affection for their parents, or their being environmental discrimination, this complex is converted into a with personal dignity, power.
sixteen years old, you leave with such a complex home to the World battles alone.
you always told myself, no matter how transformation, the number of people facing difficulties and temptations, and insisted on Be a good girl. The road you take the very hard of course, carefully plan every step. unfamiliar environment, while you earn money to feed themselves, while also studying to obtain degrees. During the experience of hardship and struggle, you do not say Ke teachers can be realized.
should be said that your struggle is successful. you learn while working side, access to the Self college diploma, with decent jobs, earn money to buy a house under the car. This is a no Any background of city life and helpless girl from childhood is not easy. you were here every success, a little bit of access to grow and mature.
successful only strengthened the confidence of your life, but also strengthen You want to honor the parents of the complex.
diploma exam to earn money, not only will not be discriminated against, but also to obtain the respect of society and, more importantly, that you mentioned not to shame their parents. shame, open and above board, with the proper way to achieve their goals.
This is a strong feeling ah.
self-examination to know whether you own a feature of the struggle in life, you not only doing all, and to ; degree.
Note the use of Good background, parental caregivers, the many opportunities in life, are far more easier. things come easily lost, a number of psychological reactions will be flat. And everything you rely on deliberately, to concentrate on the struggle to the struggle Fuji, Therefore, every point will be particularly cherished achievements. lost, naturally will be particularly painful.
everything you do especially serious, life as a task to complete. heart, always thinking, what to do to worthy of their parents, what to do to build their own dignity. Therefore, when you put the effort to do things particularly, the joy of success and failure is bound to strong frustration.
so talking about your marriage.
This is After ten years of struggle you get the last achievement, but also for girls, is a big achievement. you find a decent husband, established by the envy of the family, in their eyes, your career a family, 're done. can be made precisely this success, when you crave during pregnancy, when the princess-like treatment, her husband was frequently aggressive, attitude and cold, which for the wonderful wife, mother immersed in the fantasy of you are no doubt a devastating blow.
Because of this, you can not convince yourself to get relief in the form of the end of the marriage.
This is not an ordinary good and bad, do you think the issue of her husband in the life bully you, in the issue of life kill you. This is destroying people's hatred of your life. from a psychological sense, your words very accurately sums up this feeling.
seen from the description of your husband on many of your insulting behavior, because want the disintegration of families. Some men even if there is extra-marital affairs, but also on his wife deliberately concealed, for fear the other side can not be tolerated. but your husband is clearly not his aim to treat you for divorce. This is bound to the inner monologue, regardless of whether he explicitly say so. his wife was sick, there will only increase the feelings of the husband and wife thoughtfulness and compassion for each other. And no feelings, ill will only make each other more and more rejected. postpartum depression when her husband shows his wife so much rejection and hostility When that had no feelings.
Well, the reason why you do not want to solve problems with the divorce, there is a reason.
First, for you I am concerned, the divorce must be announced to the surrounding environment the failure of your marriage.
you start from the teenage struggle, step by step the plot small victories for the victory, until you get praised and envied by marriage, suddenly a very big failure as the end, you do not prepared.
second, separate this way, you will not get this feeling.
each other to give you the humiliation, not just the situation changed, but the man hit, you feel like bully himself. Marriage is struggle all your life achievements, you had the choice of a very cherished, not only out of love, or as long-term future of business life, you have highlighted the blessing of the parents want to die. the other party to give you the humiliation, not only destroy all of your ideals, more importantly, destroy your whole life has been hard, and even their parents must be ashamed.
This is why divorce can not solve your current problem.
difficult to difficult here.
However, do not divorce what will happen? There are two cases:
A, and thus barely maintained, drag.
According to my analysis of your current relationship between husband and wife can not be sustained indefinitely benign. According to my understanding of human nature, one day your husband Fanran repentance, with deep repentance return home, re-treat you, at least three to five years can not see possibilities.
then drag the result, on one hand will continue to suffer torture, on the other hand, has been dragging each other to be able to achieve your revenge? do have some women so, you are not having an affair? I has been dragging you reach your goal. Could it be this is the way you achieve revenge?
can say, for you, drag is not a good idea.
second, as your letter speak, to take a very decisive and we both die the way.
this area has too many tragic facts. all kinds of passion, and Suicide, and shocking. but this is absolutely not desirable. so do what you like out of breath, but the first fight of your life come to such an outcome, not the biggest failure? Second, you always had a complex, not to shame their parents. but if done so, make sure that the parents kept shame. Third, how will her daughter grow up? your teens to have lost their parents have gone through life suffering. Once you do, the fate of her daughter than you even tragic. when her parents die young, I will not speak to her alone and she may experience pain, and this alone would make her life will never be ashamed.
So, this program is to be negative.
you ask, in this case , how would you do?
come this far, they can not find new ideas, you must live in hell.
Now, I must tell you, to find new ideas and new understanding.
First of all, the courage to admit that life can not fail.
you experienced the frustration of the girls, parents, you are faced with premature death was a huge setback, but you are not good right along ? from a teenager, you start from scratch, camel runs his own small business, in general, you score one victory, and you're used to own all the victory. If you believe in the saying, eyes, the way I know people think it is a miracle you from an To be able to experience failure, but also the courage to face failure.
If you can digest this failure, his life re-runs, doing bigger way, this is amazing. Prior to this, you have a little great, but if You can overcome this setback, you will truly amazing mm not only to bring their own glory, not shame to their parents.
problem now is how to come out.
to long-term perspective, to a large degrees, to very relaxed.
for you, now is not to swallow the breath away, but how this tone spit it out. Do not think of how to maintain outside the family still live in a false appearance, to dare to tear the mask. you can talk openly with her husband, to be very candid, very straightforward, including the feeling that they have been bullied about it, to Yizhengciyan to tell him that you do on the human dignity abuse me. to give each other a moral condemnation and pressure.
This is really a quick response.
If your parents in the days of soul, they will certainly agree to my proposal.
then, do divorce preparation.
when you are particularly candid expression of his attitude will be after the reaction down to see your husband. is to get away again and again, or some, you will find a way. In a showdown with her husband before, I hope you own life and career after the divorce to make arrangements mm psychological and practical, to plan better.
more strong. to bear these. Do not think divorce is the shame. can not solve the problem, natural living in hell, not only self-esteem suffered humiliation, and possibly pull off the road onto the desperate.
This is your life experience of young a test, before that, your life is a ladder from the lowest to a little bit of a step up, claim to be plain sailing. the current crisis is certainly low, have confidence to come out. and then a glorious life can not be a straight line up development, wonderful life ups and downs often.
If you can understand these words, but also to find creative and feel of the future life, you will be able to digest this crisis. Once you overcome this crisis, you will re- get people's respect.
you are young, life's road is still long. the life of any person only once, to be cherished.
not to be said to have had children, this is you have a good reason to survive A.
hell is their set out to rely on courage, but also rely on the wisdom.
believe you have the ability. (Ke teacher)
look at the past with compassion
month I was shown a letter received.
Ke Teacher: Hello!
your messenger I think a lot. These days I often recall a man quietly, from childhood to the present. I remember the last mother left moment is also tightly holding my hand, eyes full of care.
after all, they do not trust me, do not know a world without them, their daughters how to live.
me your analysis a better understanding of their own, can be strong, but not to make stronger, more in the long term.
I live well, to let parents happy in heaven; I live well, and can let his daughter grow up happily.
mind Recall that in the darkness of becoming calm, I'm learning the same as the observer's perspective with compassion marriage, to see him and this has brought me happiness and suffering of the family.
You're right, Hell is their set out to rely on courage, but also rely on the wisdom.
rest assured that I can come out.
Thank you for your analysis and wisdom teachings.
good life of peace! (enlightened)
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